you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i love accidental penises.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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