Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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