i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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