Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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