i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize