Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
