dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
