Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
