I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
