It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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