Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
