I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Someone came in the potted fern
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
