just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I could fuck to npr.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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