I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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