he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
