why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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