omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
