Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
