bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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