I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
