...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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