my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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