Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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