NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
