apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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