someone get that fucking seahorse.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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