I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
