Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister