ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila