I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again