You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone