we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.