Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
