hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
