weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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