can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
