Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
