So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize