I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
