I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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