but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
