She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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