Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
