I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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