Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
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Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
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I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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