drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
