We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
