I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
