you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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