Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
