it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
