Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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