Swine flu is the new snow day.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
