I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
