you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
