4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
