Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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