Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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