So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
please come you make the beer taste better
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
