hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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