i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We talked him into tasing himself.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
