you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
