He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
