Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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