I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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