dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
