I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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