Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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