She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
