I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
