Where are you?
In a non slutty way
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
