my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
