My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
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Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
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I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
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