If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
