Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
