i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
