I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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