im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
