meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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