do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
