she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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