Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize